I've been working in a documentary about anarchism, workers war and anarcho-syndicalism around the world in general and in Australia in particular. Because this reason I had too many discusions with few groups of neoliberals via twitter. They make me understand that neoliberalism is even more stupid I've ever thought. Anyway, this story is based in all the arguments that they gave to me to defence the capitalist system.
-Jimmy Crossbower, Jimmy Crossbower, please go
to secretariat.
I heart my name by the speaker about five
minutes before the break time. This was being a very weird morning. All the chicken
sexers had been in silence during hours. This advice broke the ice and it was a
surprise for everyone me included.
I stopped my labors and I went straight to
secretariat. Maybe this was going to be the upgrade I’ve been waiting for.
-Did you called me? –I asked after I knocked
the door.
-Hi Jimmy, please come inside –Mrs Laurent explained
to me -. Mr Amancio wanna see you.
Mr Amancio was the owner of the factory and all
the factories around the world. He started with nothing and suddenly he became
in the richest guy in the world. He had an incredible idea: determinate the sex
of the chickens two days after they born and then produce more meat and eggs.
Is easy: if have to wait four weeks to know if this new little chick is male or
female you are not redeeming properly the time. In this four weeks you can feed
this like a hen to put more eggs or like a chicken to be bigger and bigger and
could kill him as soon as possible and sell it like food. And obviously it can
be translated as money. More money for set up more factories and get more
money. In other words, he was my idol.
-Hi Jimmy, nice to
meet you.
-Hello Mr Amancio, the pleasure is mine.
Amancio was very folksy. He used to sleep each
night in different houses and going there via different ways only for avoid
terrorist acts, but then he can say hello to you like if he were a normal
person. It made me feel so comfortable.
This guy was very folksy too... But the floksier guy ever is the elephant killer.
-Please, take a sit –he
said-. Do you know what I ordered to call you and make you came here?
-I have no idea, Mr
Amancio.
-Well… You know,
during the last years we are not earning money enough.
-I’m so sorry, Mr
Amancio.
-Yeah, me too… The
situation is really terrible, I must find out a solution this month…
-Is it so bad?
-Sure… Look, I had to
sell one of my boats to Bill Gates only for pay the petrol of my private jet.
-Oh no! This is so
terrible! And what are you going to do? I’m sure you’ll find out something, you
are absolutely enterprising.
-Well, I have one
idea… But I need your help. Do you think you were able to help me?
-Me?? It would be a
really big pleasure, Mr Amancio. What can I do?
-Well… I think that
maybe you can talk with the other workers and tell them that they must work
faster and during more hours.
-But… Mr Amancio, we
are determining the sex of 10,000 chicken per hour.
-Yeah, I know, but…
If we determinate the sex of 15,000 chicken per hour we can improve our
production a 50%.
-Really?
-Actually if we rise
to 16,000 chicken we’ll improve that in a 60%.
-Mr Amancio, excuse
me because the idiom but you are a fucking genius.
-Thanks, thanks… But
keep calm, there is more.
-Seriously?
-They will not
receive extra money for that.
-NO!
-Yes…
-OH MY GOD! THAT’S
IT!
-Do you like the
idea?
-Is fantastic, Mr
Amancio. You are a genious.
-Is the only choice,
last month I had to pay $30 in taxes to the government…
-Fucking corrupts,
they only survive thanks the private company.
-Yeah, I know… Have
you idea what can I do with $30? I can hire 2 young guys in Bangladesh for this
money.
-Sure, the state is a
den of thieves…
-Well, Jimmy, so… Will you tell this to the
workers?
I accepted and I got out. I said good bye to
the secretary and I went to my job position. Unfortunately it was the end of
the break, but didn’t care to me. Mr
Amancio, who was the most enterprising person at the world, had gave a lesson
to me.
All the workers was outside. My happiness
contrasted with their weird behavior, but even that I went to talk with one of
them.
-Hey, Viktor.
He didn’t answered. He looked at me and paid
attention to what I was saying, but he didn’t say anything.
-I’ve been talking with Mr Amancio now, and…
Well, he got an idea to pass the crisis.
Even my surprising news he continued in
silence.
-His plain is that we
must work harder and more hours for the same money. He is a genius, isn’t is? Eh?
-What?
-Yes, I also got
surprised, but… Is fantastic! He told me that he need it to re-buy his last
boat, which have been sold to Bill Gates to pay for…
-Are you kidding me?
-Not at all. I’m
gonna tell the others and then we can going to celebrate it. By the way, tonight we’ll go out at 23:00 and tomorrow we must start at 07:00, but
probably we can be here at 07:15 if we explain to Mr Amancio that the reason
was the celebration party. You know, he is very comprehensive... Are you in? Oh my god, I wanna tell the others it
righ now!
-Jimmy… Let me… Let
me tell the others it, ok?
I accepted and I went
to buy a coffee. Sometimes is good help a jobmate, but you must leave him grow up.
When I arrive at the
coffee shop and I ordered my cappuccino, Stuard, the Bar Tender, was very weird
too.
-Aren’t you going? -He asked to me-.
-Going? Going where?
He explained me muttering:
-Today is the day.
I didn’t get it.
-What day?
-Jimmy… The others
workers have been organizing this day. Is the revolt day. They are gonna take
the control of the factory. They are going to overthrow Amancio.
-What??
-Oh Jimmy, come on…
If Amancio is rich is because of the workers, so let them take what is theirs.
-The factory?
-This factory and all
the factories around the world. No patterns nor slaves.
-But… It is…
-Yeah, I know… It
must have been years ago, but…
-No! Are you kidding
me? Amancio has an idea to solve the crisis!
-To solve the crisis
for who? Because I’m sure that after this idea you’ll be as poor as now or even
more, and he’ll be richer than ever. Am I wrong?
-Oh my god, what the
hell is wrong with you??
-Jimmy, wake up… You
don’t live in a world with…
-No! Amancio is who
creates the richness! He doesn’t need anyone! He started from nothing and he
can do it again!
- But Jimmy…
-Jimmy is getting out. Fuck you!
I leaved the coffee shop and I knew that I’ll
never come there again.
There are limits.
When I came back to my work place there was
nobody there. All the staff was outside protesting with banners and megaphones.
I was the only one in the building, excluding Mr Amancio and his secretary. She
called me again.
-JIMMY CROSSBOWER, COME INMEDIATELY TO THE
AMANCIO’S OFFICE!
I went there in a hurry and Mr Amancio was so
angry.
-COULD I KNOW WHAT
THE HELL DID YOU TELL THEM??
-Mr Amancio, I… I don’t…
I couldn’t say too much…
-What the hell is
happening?
-I heart that… That
they wanna take the control of the factory.
-TAKE THE WHAT?
-The control of the
factory, Mr Amancio.
-That’s stupid.
-Yeah, I know, but
they…
-I set up this.
-I know, Mr Amancio.
-With my own hands!
-I know, Mr Amancio.
-I had the fucking
idea, come on!
-I know, Mr Amancio.
-And know they wanna take the control only
because they work here 70 hours per week? I’m turning unemployed people into
employed, fuck off!
I didn’t answer, he was so excited. The
telephone rang and Amancio answered even angrier than before.
-Yes?? … No, it’s not
a good moment, the workers of my factory in Momb… What?? … Oh my god, your workers
too? … Fuck off, and why? … Oh, wait, wait… Someone is calling me by the other
phone… Yes? … No, Bill is in the other line, his workers and mines had become a
revolut… Not really, yours too? Ok, ok, don’t worry… Yes, we’ll find out
something. Call you back now… Sure, sure. See you… Bill, it was George… Yes, he
too… He tried to phone you to telling you, but… Yes, I know, I know… Keep Calm
George… Ok, let me think something and I’ll call you again… Yes, I’ll call you…
Ok, ok. I’ll do it, sure. Call you later. Bye.
-Mr Amancio, you are
really good managing business. How do you do…?
-Shut up, Jimmy!
I stayed in silence.
-It is not spontaneous.
Bill and George told me that they have the same problem too. Did you know
anything about that?
-I had no fucking
idea, Mr Amancio. I’ve never heard about…
-Ok, ok, fuck… Ok
Jimmy, having an idea. Could you try to guess what the fucking hell they want?
-What?
-Please, talk with the leather or with someone
and tell him that we can arrange a meeting or something... And then let me
know, ok?
I went out looking for Viktor. He was outside
with an eggs box throwing it to the factory. The police was at the parking, but
there was only 2 cars against 2,000 workers.
-Fucking state, the companies are paying taxes
and now there are only two cars…
Then I discovered that there were no police enough
for stop the strikes in all the factories.
I found Viktor and I asked him what the hell
had happened.
-We have planned this
during months. We cannot pay our rents, our food nor our bills while the owner
is getting rich and rich. We must stop this, we are the workers and he is rich
because of us, and…
-Oh, really?
-What?
-Shut up! And fuck
you! You are not rich because you don’t try hard enough.
-I’m working 16 hours
per day for less than $3 per hour.
-Well, if you don’t
like this, just set up a new business. Everyone can do it.
-What the hell? You
know that it’s false.
-Why not? Oh, yeah,
because you have to pay taxes, isn’t it? So the problem is not against Mr
Amancio, it would be against the government who is always stealing us for get
public hospitals and schools… If you wanna go to the hospital set up a new one
with your effort and sacrifice, like Mr Amancio did with this factory!
Viktor looked at me. He was missed.
-What?
-I’m only saying that
Amancio is not the guilty. He also has problems, you know?
-Are you kidding me?
-Oh, god… Look,
forget it. Mr Amancio wanna talk with the leather of all of this. Who is?
-There is no
leathers.
-There is no
leathers?
-No. That’s an anarcho-syndicalism
revolution. There’s not leathers, we are the workers and will get the control
of the factories to put off all the patterns. There is not the leather role, it
doesn’t exist.
-But… Mr Amancio told
me that… Oh, shit.
I went again to Mr Amancio’s office and
explained him what was happening.
-Mr Amancio, sorry
for interrupt but…
-That’s ok, Jimmy.
Jimmy, say hello to my friends Bill and George.
Bill and George was
on the TV in a conference.
-Nice to meet you. Mr
Amancio, I’ve been talking with the workers and…
-Anarcho-syndicalism,
isn’t it?
-Wow… Yeah, how did
you know that?
-It happen as well at
the factories of my friends.
-Ok, so… That’s is.
Maybe you prefer talk in private…
-Thank you. Get home now. I’ll call you if I
need it.
I'll be waiting, Mr Amancio. I'll be waiting...
I arrived at my place and I slept during hours.
The next day I couldn’t go to work: the workers of all the factories had taken the
control of everything: public transport, super markets... Even the TV was taken
over. I only could think that they was fucking unhappy people who only can feel
envy of guys like Mr Amancio, really hard workers. And obviously the state.
Always the fucking state! We are paying taxes for creating services for
everyone, what the hell is this? Stalin started with a system like this and
then he killed a million of billions of babies, most of them only for the
breakfast.
After a couple of weeks my phone sound again.
It was Mr Amancio.
-Jimmy, you must come to my place. I’ve got an incredible
idea. See you here at 11 am!
I arrived at 10:15 because I hadn’t another
thing to do. I knocked the door and there was Mr Amancio, George, Bill and
other 15 guys that I didn’t know.
-Jimmy, you arrive
early… Well, that’s ok, I’ll let you know right now: we are going to create the
biggest company in the world for avoid this movement.
-Really?? Oh jesus,
thank you very much! What are you going to set up?
-Well, all this
people are the owners of the most important companies all around the world. Basically
the idea is start to sell our products very cheap…
-Cheaper than now?
-Cheapest ever.
-Wow…
-Free.
-Free?
-Free.
-What the hell? You
are not going to earn money if you sell your things for free.
-That’s the point: I’ll
become absolutely rich!
-But… How?
-Well, my idea is pay
nothing to the employers.
-Hopefully, unless I’d
think you got crazy. What’s about the others?
-They agree with me.
We control the 99% of the world industry, so we decided don’t pay to anyone and
don’t earn money with anything.
-So… What are you
gonna do? I mean, usually you spend all your time in get business with other
companies and…
-I’ll become a
worker. In fact all of us will become workers.
-WHAT??
-Normal workers, yes.
It’s the birth of the new company: Anarchism PTY LTD.
-And... What happen
with the state?
-Well, we are not
earning money so we don’t have to pay money…
-And how are you going
to earn money?
-We’ll not do it. If
I need something, like another boat, I only have to take it.
-But that’s terrible…
What will happen with your toothbrush?
-Jimmy, seriously, no
one is gonna use my toothbrush.
-And if you wanna go to
a good doctor?
-You only have to go
there. The idea is that everyone has a job and…
-And who’s gonna pay
this doctor?
-No one. I mean, he’ll
be able to use all the things all around the world. He’ll be as rich as
possible and no one has to pay for that.
-So everyone can
become a doctor. You can die!
-I’m not gonna going
to a doctor who is not a real doctor.
-But… That’s the
caos!
-It isn’t! We are organized,
we only are going to erase the money, but the people will continue working – we
included.
-No… No… Oh, jesus,
no! The state have brainwashed you!
-Jimmy, keep calm and…
-Fuck you, Mr Amancio! Fuck every one!
I ran to my home and I took all my valuable
goods and I went to my garage. I took the money that I saved in my wardrobe:
about a couple of millions that I saved to setting up my future business
someday. I used to think that one day, in the future, my garage will be my
anti-zombies shelter, so I had batteries and cans of everything enough for three
years. This was my home and my country during 25 months. It was so boring, but
I had important things to do during all this time: playing pokemon in one of
the corner, crying while saying “the guilty is on the state” and sleeping. When
I finished the game and there was no more cans of food, I decided going out just
to checking. At the end of the days, maybe everything had failed. Perhaps
Anarchy PTY LTD now doesn’t exist.
"Look who's back" is a nobel based on the same idea. You can read it in your eBook in English or Spanish.
People at the street looked happy. I was pretty
sure that everything turned into the normality so I decided ask someone about
the economic situation. There was an old woman walking with her dog.
-Excuse me… What’s
about the invisible hand who regulate the market?
-What?
-Yes, you know… An
invisible hand that makes everything work…
-I don’t know… It sounds really utopic.
Obviously she had no fucking idea about
economy. But doesn’t matter, I decided continue walking and going to my old
job. Maybe Amancio was willing to give me another chance.
When I entered at the factory there was too
many new faces. I didn’t know anyone. I asked the first person I saw.
-Excuse me… Do you know if the owner is here?
He laught.
-What?
-The owner. Mr
Amancio, you know…
-AH! Oh, yeah, Amancio. You make me laugh when
you said that… Yeah, well, he must be here, but…
Suddenly Amancio arrived in a hurry.
-Excuse me guys –Amancio
said-, there was a terrible traffic this morning and… Oh my god, Jimmy! How are
you doing, guy?
-Mr Amancio! Nice to
see you again! Look, I’m so sorry about what…
-Oh my god, Jimmy! We
thought that you had died!
-No, I was… Outside.
Look, I’m coming to apologize for…
-No, don’t worry, it’s
ok.
-What have happen
with all the workers? I don’t know anyone know. Did you fire them?
-Not, not really… They
are new employers, that’s it.
-So the company came
back to the rutine.
-Not really…
-What you mean?
-All this guys are
volunteers. And sorry, but I must start to check the sex of the chickens…
-What? Are you a
normal worker?
-Well, I don’t have
another option.
-Why not? You are the
owner! This is your factory!
-No Jimmy, after the
revolt this factory is propriety of all the humans.
-And who is your
boss? Who pay you?
-I told you two years
ago: there is not money. We don’t need it. People around all the world produce
things, and people around all the world use things. That’s it.
-So… Now everyone is poor?
-No. Everyone is
rich.
-But they are working
for no money.
-They are working
because world needs this production. The salary is… Use and take whatever you
need for live.
-Anyone has money?
-No.
-But I have a lot of
bills at my place.
-Don’t need it.
-Actually I need to
buy some food, I spend all my expenses in this months and…
-You don’t need it.
You only have to work and then you can take whatever you want. Anarhism PTY
LTD, it works Jimmy.
-But I don’t have a
job, I can’t…
-Well, just do
whatever you want. I think you could be a good clown…
-Are you kidding?
-World needs clowns,
I’m only saying that you can be one…
-You are crazy. Everyone is crazy. Fuck. Fuck
you. Fuck the world. Fuck the state. Fuck Charmander. Fuck EVERYTHING!
1.-Ha ha ha.
2. Ha ha ha.
3. Oh my god, everything sucks.
I went back to my place and I spend another two
days in my bunker-garage. I had anything to eat and finally I did something
stupid: I started to eat bills and coins. It was my only chance, and now… Here
I am, writing my last letter. I call Mr Amancio right now to tell him that when
he were reading my text message I will be dead. Also, and just in case that you
find myself alive, please don’t bring me to a Public Hospital. If there is not
private services in the world, leave me here. I don’t wanna continue living in
a world without the freedom of set up private services.
Finally, if you find myself dead, remember that
my death was caused by the oppressor state.
Kind Regards,
Jimmy Crossbower.
#LET
Questions and discusions at the comments. FAQ: Jimmy doesn't exist, LET means "liberales en twitter" (liberals at Twitter) and PTY LTD means, in my native language, something like S.A. or S.L. Up to you if you want translate it. The joke still funny even that, isn't it? Oh, and yeah, sorry... I don't know why, but I find very interesting talking about chicken sexers. I apologize for that. And remember: you cannot eat the money. Although you were neoliberal. This is the real life. Sorry for that.
